Contributor: Aida Flores
This is part two of “A Love Story” which was posted a week ago. Enjoy!
A Love Story… (Part2)
I thought Jay’s ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay received a uninamous text. “Meet me at the clinic.” I had a stinking feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako. Sabi niya, “Penny for you talks.” But I didn’t know what to say. Beggars can’t be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun. Jay said, “Can’t got your tongue?” I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?
Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole. After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff’s ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn’t even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That’s what I’m talking about it.
So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That’s what friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down rate.
When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, “I beg your cordon. I’m patient. It’s my favorite virtue nga e.” Nagduda yata yung isang guard. Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, “Don’t touch me not!” Buti na lang the other guards were nice and said, “Come on, let’s join us.”
When I went inside, parang I’ve been there, done there. Nung walang nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a bird’s IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.
Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse’s mouth. I barraged in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.
Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.
Now, he’s recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I know it’s a better pill to swallow your fried so it’s forgive and forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on makeup.
Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms persist, insult your doctor.
Contributor: Jun Anteola
“I got this from a multiply.com contact’s page. It’s not written by him, just forwarded to him by a friend. I guess pinagpasa-pasa na ito sa email, pero nakakatawa and I thought worth sharing sa Nakanampucha!”
A Love Story
We’ ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it’s only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, “I hope you don’t mine. Can I get your number?” Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn’t give it back? He explained naman na it’s so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i’m wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.
Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we’ll go ouch na rin. Now, we’re so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I’m 33 na and I’m running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. “Will you marriage me?” I’m in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it’s four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.
Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, “Well, well, well. Look do we have here.” What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn’t want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don’t want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, “please, mine you own business!” Who would believe her anyway?
Dahil it’s not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I’m so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He’s so supportive. Sabi niya, “Look at is this way. She’s our of our lives.” Kaya advise ko sa inyo – take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we’ll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.
I took this from Bob Ong’s book “bakit baliktad magbasa ng libro ang mga pilipino?”. I think that it’s down ass funny… Bob Ong is a funny guy… really funny omg funny..lol…well I think he is..lol
Lumalabas ang kakulangan natin sa iodize salt pagdating sa mga trivia game show sa TV. Mapa Family-Feud, The weakest Link, o Gobingo, hindi pahuhuli sa pagalingan ang mga mamamayang Pilipino, lalo na sa kung mabilisan!
SET THE CLOCK….
Host: Ano sa Ingles ang “hinlalaki”?
Host: Ano ang ginagamitng mga swimmers para bumilis ang kanilang paglanggoy?
Contestant: Fast Shoes
Host: Kung si Superman ay may Lois Lane, ano naman ang kay Robinhood?
Host: Anong “S” ang inuupuan pag nakasakay sa kabayo?
Host: Ano ang karaniwang hugis ng manibela?
Host: Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube, pero tinatawag ng iba na boob tube. Ano ito?
Host: Kelan ang Pasko sa Davao?
Host: Anong tawag sa isdang hindi bilasa?
Host: Ilan ang legs ng cartoon character na si Spiderman?
Host: Ano ang nationality ng sanggol na may amang Filipino Catholic at Protestanteng Ina?
Host: Merong four seasons: winter, spring, summer, at fall. kelan nahuhulog ang mga dahon?
contestant: sa storm
Host: Anong bukol ang makikita sa leeg ng mga lalaki?
contestant: Kiss mark
Host: ano ang kulay ng orange juice kapag nilagay sa blue na baso?
Host: anong malambot na bahagi sa ulo ng sanggol?
Host: magbigay ng bagay na ipini-pin sadamit?
Host: Ano ang nagpapaalat sa itlog na maalat?
Host: ano ang tawag sa mga needle-like projections na nakasabit sa ceiling ng mga caves?
contestant: Ice pick
Filed under: Filipino, Philippines, Pilipino, Pinoy, Stories, Terminologies
The following is another article from a British journalist stationed in the Philippines. His observations are so hilarious!!!! This was written around 1999.
A Rhose, By Any Other Name
by Matthew Sutherland
“A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches” (Proverbs 22:1)
When I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the first cultural differences to strike me was names. The subject has provided a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since. The first unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here has a nickname. In the staid and boring United Kingdom, we have nicknames in kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood we tend, I am glad to say, to lose them.
The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for both girls and boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard as overbearingly cutesy for anyone over about five. Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or Honey Boy would be beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, and never make it to adulthood. So, probably, would girls with names like Babes, Lovely, Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, ech ech. Here, however, no one bats an eyelid.
Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call “door-bell names”. These are nicknames that sound like – well, door-bells. There are millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more common. They can be, and frequently are, used in even more door-bell-like combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on. Even our newly-appointed chief of police has a doorbell name Ping. None of these door-bell names exist where I come from, and hence sound unusually amusing to my untutored foreign ear. Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was called Bing, replied “because my brother is called Bong”. Faultless logic. Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as where I come from “dong” is a slang word for… well, perhaps “talong” is the best Tagalog equivalent. Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before encountered people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let, Mai-Mai, or Ning-Ning. The secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual one: Leck-Leck. Such names are then frequently further refined by using the “squared” symbol, as in Len2 or Mai2. This had me very confused for a while.
The following is from a British journalist stationed in the Philippines. His observations are so hilarious!!!! This was written in 1999.
Matter of Taste
by Matthew Sutherland
I have now been in this country for over six years, and consider myself in most respects well-assimilated. However, there is one key step on the road to full assimilation which I have yet to take, and that’s to eat BALUT. The day any of you see me eating balut, please call immigration and ask them to issue me a Filipino passport. Because at that point there will be no turning back.
BALUT, for those still blissfully ignorant non-Pinoys out there, is a fertilized duck egg. It is commonly sold with salt in a piece of newspaper,much like English fish and chips, by street vendors usually after dark, presumably so you can’t see how gross it is. It’s meant to be an aphrodisiac, although I can’t imagine anything more likely to dispel sexual desire than crunching on a partially-formed baby duck swimming in noxious fluid. The embryo in the egg comes in varying stages of development, but basically it is not considered macho to eat one without fully discernable feathers, beak, and claws. Some say these crunchy bits are the best. Others prefer just to drink the so-called ‘soup’, the vile, pungent liquid that surrounds the aforementioned feathery fetus…excuse me, I have to go and throw up now. I’ll be back in a minute.
Food dominates the life of the Filipino. People here just love to eat. They eat at least eight times a day. These eight official meals are called, in order: breakfast, snacks, lunch, merienda, pica-pica, pulutan, dinner, and no-one-saw-me-take-that-cookie-from-the-fridge-so-it-doesn’t-count. The short gaps in between these mealtimes are spent eating Sky Flakes From the open packet that sits on every desktop. You’re never far from food in the Philippines. If you doubt this, next time you’re driving home from work, try this game. See how long you can drive without seeing food and I don’t mean a distant restaurant, or a picture of food. I mean a man on the sidewalk frying fish balls, or a man walking through the traffic selling nuts or candy. I bet it’s less than one minute.
Here are some other things I’ve noticed about food in the Philippines. Firstly, a meal is not a meal without rice-even breakfast. In the UK, I could go a whole year without eating rice. Second, it’s impossible to drink without eating. A bottle of San Miguel just isn’t the same without gambas or beef tapa. Third, no one ventures more than two paces from their house without baon and a container of something cold to drink. You might as well ask a Filipino to leave home without his pants on. And lastly, where I come from, you eat with a knife and fork.